Does life go on when your heart is broken?
Since her mother’s sudden death, Emma has existed in a fog of grief, unable to let go, unable to move forward—because her mother is, in a way, still there. She’s being kept alive on machines for the sake of the baby growing inside her.
Estranged from her stepfather and letting go of things that no longer seem important—grades, crushes, college plans—Emma has only her best friend to remind her to breathe. Until she meets a boy with a bad reputation who sparks something in her—Caleb Harrison, whose anger and loss might just match Emma’s own. Feeling her own heart beat again wakes Emma from the grief that has grayed her existence. Is there hope for life after death—and maybe, for love?
(This gif was me … throughout the entire book — I wish I had a guitar to smash)
Buckle up guys, you’re in for a rant and I apologize ahead of time for any unintelligent babble. I’ll try to be quick about it. I read this book in about 2 hours, 3 hours at most, not because it was so good that I couldn’t put it down but because I had to speed read and skim through it. You know I don’t have the heart to DNF books so I wo-manned up and got through it. I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s start with a positive. I love the premise of the book. When I read the synopsis, I thought I would love it. Here I thought there would be this whirlwind journey of finding love amidst the darkness that Emma was shrouded in. I mean I wasn’t entirely wrong.
There were so many other things that could’ve been done with this book. The ideas and potential were there. It was unique and tragic. The plot was effective but it was improperly executed. One thing I didn’t enjoy was the writing style. I don’t know if it was purposely done but it was way too repetitive for me. Every chapter felt like I was getting a summary of what the book was about and what Emma went through in the previous chapter. I was going insane. I kept going further though because I wanted to see how it ended, if there was going to be some kind of dynamic change or epiphany for Emma. There was alright and it happened 238 pages in — out of 244 pages. There was no character development — at all … for any of the characters here. The best was probably her best friend and her stepdad and they both deserve awards for having to deal with someone like Emma. You can imagine my frustration.
To my last point, this is where all my anger lies in, where I decided that I might actually physically hate a book. The main character is the worst main character that I’ve ever read and she’s not even the villain! With all the depressing things she had to go through, her mother’s death and having to deal with it everyday, for the life of me, I could not empathize with her. She made is so hard. Just let me count the ways. She was full of hatred, egocentric, selfish, intolerable, and disrespectful. She was down right nasty.
For a 17-year-old, she sure is immature and apparently has the inability to think logically. I despised her point of view. All it ever was was “I” or “me”– I lost my mother, I was the only one there for her, I didn’t chose this for her, I knew her the best, I loved her best, I’m the only one who lost something here — never once did she really think about what her mother wanted. Never once did she think about how her mother’s death affected her stepfather. It was all eyes on me. It was the me, myself, and I trifecta. Along with that, how can someone despise and not even care about their younger sibling who had no say in the matter. Is the baby not your blood? Not your mother’s blood?
She was making terrible choices too. Her thought process is this: now that her mom’s dead, school doesn’t matter. Let’s fail absolutely everything. Look I know that I can’t even begin to understand how a parent’s death would affect me, but I had a close call with my dad and I know that if he did die, I’d want to work extra hard because that’s what he’d want for me. A future. Happiness. I just don’t understand how Emma couldn’t see that her mother would choose to be kept alive by machines for the sake of her baby. Then how she treat her stepfather, who has done nothing but love her, was just awful. She blames him for everything — give me a freaking break, you’re not 5 years old anymore. You’ve got an actual functioning brain. Use it!
At least Caleb had a legitimate reason for behaving the way he did — his parents literally look at him with disdain and tell others to do the same for something that wasn’t his fault. (Can I say parent of the year award?!?) This might be the worst experience I’ve ever had with a book. I’ve never been more angry after reading a book. I couldn’t even enjoy the romance. I didn’t like it anyway because insta-love. It definitely was not for me, it may be for you but you’ll have to take that risk.